How to Avoid Political Drama at Spring and Summer Family Gatherings

With spring family gatherings like Easter, Passover, graduations and weddings on the horizon, it’s the perfect time for advice on keeping the peace.

Montclair State University Professor Jonathan Caspi, a leading expert on sibling relationships and a licensed therapist, shares tips for navigating tense conversations, especially during these politically charged times — and just in time for National Sibling Day.

“Holiday gatherings are not the time to sort out political differences or sibling differences,” Caspi says. “That’s the time just to kind of hang out and enjoy each other’s company. Keep it light.”

Navigating Political Conversations with Siblings

How or when to have a difficult discussion depends on the nature of the sibling relationship, he says. “There’s a way to have those conversations with some siblings, but with others there’s not because there’s such high defensiveness. People are very emotionally connected to their political philosophies.”

Sibling relationships are generally intense, and the rules of engagement are learned early on, Caspi says. He warns that what looks like a political debate may actually be about a deeper, unresolved issue.

“If there’s other resentment, then the political argument you’re having is probably about other things. It could be something like, ‘You were always Dad’s favorite, and I always hated you for it,’” he says. “But instead of having that conversation, they’re fighting over whether or not Canada being a 51st state and tariffs are really good ideas.”

Caspi calls these “proxy fights” and says disagreements “are not going to resolve the real issue because it has nothing to do with it.”

Tips for Adult Siblings Navigating Political Differences

Caspi, a professor of Family Science and Human Development in the College for Community Health, offers these strategies for keeping sibling relationships strong during politically charged times:

• Prioritize the relationship — Value your sibling bond more than political views.
• Choose the right time — If you must talk politics, do it privately — away from other family members and schedule another time for that discussion, when emotions have cooled down.
• Focus on emotional connections — if you must discuss it, share how issues affect you personally rather than debating ideologies.
• Avoid insults — Do not engage in name-calling, mocking or passive-aggressive behavior, as  it only deepens divides.
• Stay curious — Ask questions about your sibling’s views: “Can you explain your thinking on this?” for example.
• Respect differences — You can still be close even if you don’t agree on everything.

By following these tips, you can maintain positive sibling relationships even in the face of political differences, which Caspi emphasizes are crucial for long-term happiness, success and well-being.

“You should be able to have conversations and relationships with people who are different from you and have very different beliefs,” he says. There are some exceptions, however.

When It’s Okay to Step Away From a Sibling Relationship

While Caspi promotes healing, closeness and loving sibling relationships, he acknowledges that some relationships may be harmful and cause for limiting or avoiding contact.

In such cases, prioritizing your own well-being is more important than maintaining family appearances.

“As an adult, you have a choice about whether you want to invest in your sibling relationship and how much you want to invest. In situations where the relationship has been so problematic, or has involved abuse of any kind, it’s not in the best interest of the person to continue investing in that relationship even if that’s what Mom and Dad want. There’s the importance of good relationships, but there’s also the importance of not putting yourself in a situation of ongoing harm.”

How to Raise Loving Siblings From the Start

Caspi also offers advice for parents on building healthy sibling relationships in childhood, drawn from his book Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect.

• Start early — Teach positive behaviors and encourage closeness from a young age.
• Reinforce good interactions — Praise kind gestures and cooperation more than punishing conflict.
• Model respect — Set family rules against name-calling, bullying, and aggression — and live by them.
• Foster shared experiences — Encourage activities that help siblings bond naturally.
• Promote empathy —Teach kids to recognize and respect each other’s feelings.

By applying these insights, families can celebrate holidays and get-togethers with less tension and more connection.

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